Never Just
by AbBoe
Summary: "I use to believe with every fiber of my being that I was a cop, first and foremost. It was my one true identity. If I couldn't be a cop anymore, I'd lose everything. And then the shooting happened. I finally realized that what I believed was completely false. I had it all wrong. I don't lose everything when I'm no longer a cop, I lose everything if I stay a cop." SLIGHTLY AU.
1. Chapter 1

**CHAPTER ONE**

 _PRESENT DAY_

"If they offer me the job, I'm going to take it."

 _Heavy_. That's how Jane's words felt as they dropped like a five-ton weight, crashing through the floor, destroying everything in their path until they hit rock bottom. And when they finally did, the resulting silence was nearly deafening.

She would not give Jane the satisfaction of seeing her completely and utterly destroyed. _No._ If Jane was going to deliver life-altering news as simply as one would discuss the weather, then she didn't deserve to see the tears coursing down her cheeks, to hear the break in her voice when she asked Jane why she was doing this, to feel Maura's arms wrapped so tightly around her body that nothing and no one would dare try to come between them.

She waited – waited for Jane to say more, to say the only three words that could salvage this moment; ' _Come with me_.' But the words never came and the silence stretched on. Maura's eyes remained fixed on a point somewhere off in the distance as she drew on every last ounce of strength she could muster. "I see." Her voice was low but clear and blessedly devoid of all of the emotions raging through her. _Just breathe, Maura. Keep breathing._

She could feel Jane shift beside her on the couch, closing what little distance had existed between them until a knee bumped against her thigh. "Maura, listen, I know -"

The loud clink of Maura's wine glass hitting the coffee table effectively cut off whatever else Jane was about to say. She was barely hanging on by a thread and staying there, with those large brown eyes gazing upon her with all of the love and adoration Maura had grown accustomed to seeing when she looked at Jane, would quickly crumble the last of her resolve. "I have to go."

"Don't! Don't go," Jane spoke urgently, reaching for Maura's arm. But it was too late, Maura was up and off the couch within seconds. "Stay. Talk to me." Jane's voice was pleading. Maura could hear Jane stand, the air shifting around the living room as Jane approached her from behind. But she kept moving, gathering up her belongings and slipping her shoes on as she moved toward the door.

"Let me go, Jane," she spoke harshly, her voice sharp with warning. She could never hate Jane, but she hated how easily Jane could turn her into an emotional mess.

The door had been pulled open only a crack before it was forced closed again. Jane was right behind her - the warmth from the body surrounding her was equal parts comforting and suffocating. _Maura_. Her name reached her ear on a warm breath; pleading, broken.

Maura shuddered. The tenuous hold on her emotions was dissolving rapidly. " _Please_ ," she choked out, begging Jane to understand what she needed in that moment, "just let me go." Jane's hand dropped away from the door and came to rest over Maura's on the doorknob. Her body instantly stiffened, fearing Jane was going to continue to press her to stay and talk. But the hand covering her own began to move, turning the knob beneath Maura's palm in silent acquiescence. Maura closed her eyes briefly, allowing herself one final moment to feel the weight of Jane's body were her head had come to rest heavily against Maura's back, the warmth of the hand covering her own, and the strength of Jane's emotions as they rippled through the space between them. And then she was gone.


	2. Chapter 2

**CHAPTER TWO**

 _6 MONTHS EARLIER_

Chaos.

Bright flashes. Shouting. _Jane_. She knew that name. _Jane_. _Her_ name, over and over again. Begging. Pleading. Soft hands. Shaking. Smoothing over her arms, her chest, her face. Comforting. Eyes both brown and green. Light. Shining. Afraid. So afraid.

Everything was moving too quickly. As her muddled brain finally managed to latch on to something, it was gone, replaced by more sound, more movement, more everything. But those eyes. Still staring down at her. Still light and shining. Less fear this time. More... she couldn't find the right word. It was too hard. Everything was too hard. She started to breathe more rapidly, panic seizing her, making it even more difficult to draw a breath. She clawed violently at her Kevlar vest, shoving the soft hands out of her way. _Jane_. Her name again. It was like she was hearing it from the end of a long tunnel. _Jane, don't!_ it warned her. But she couldn't stop. The feeling that she was suffocating was overwhelming her _. I'll help you. Let me help you, Jane._ And the soft hands moved along her chest again, swiftly releasing her vest.

But it didn't help. Her breathing was rapid and shallow, pained. _Tension pneumothorax. I need the paramedic here, now!_ More mumbling. Voices all blurred together, all except one. _Open your eyes for me, Jane_. _Come on sweetheart, look at me_. Light filtered back in. Eyes both brown and green. Maura. Alive. Warm, smiling. _That's it. The medics are here. They're going to help you breathe better._ Maura blinked slowly, her eyes worried. _It's going to hurt._ Jane offered the barest of nods. They both knew she was going to be all right, and that was enough. Alive was always enough. The mumbling grew louder and eventually Maura's face fell away from her vision and was replaced by that of a large, bearded man with kind eyes. _Decompression needle_ , came the low, gravelly voice of the medic, so different from Maura's. Jane began to panic again. She knew they were going to help her but where was Maura? Maura would make sure they did everything right, that they didn't cause more damage, that she'd be okay. _Maura?_ Jane moaned as the pain and lack of oxygen started to cloud her vision. _I'm here, Jane. Right here_ , came the almost instantaneous reply. Warm fingers slid between her own, squeezing with just enough pressure to remind Jane that she wasn't alone. Everything was slipping away. They must have given her something to relax her, to dull the pain of what the medic with the beard and kind eyes was about to do to her damaged lung.

* * *

 _Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep. Beep._

"Ugh, make it stop. _Jesus_. I'm alive, enough already," Jane groaned, her voice deep and raspy. Though she had yet to open her eyes, she immediately heard the rustling of bodies and the scraping of furniture against the floor as whomever was in the room rushed to her side. Cracking one eye open somewhat reluctantly, she noted the presence of a very worried looking Angela and, much to her surprise, Casey. _That's new_. Was this the first time he had seen her injured and in the hospital? He seemed to be handling it all right, though his movements were a tad jerky, like his joints were stiff, and his smile upon seeing her awaken didn't quite reach his eyes. Carefully opening her other eye and immediately regretting doing so as the harsh florescent lights of the emergency room nearly blinded her, she realized they were the only three in the room – Angela, Casey and herself. Where was –

"Maura! Where is she?!" Jane gasped, shooting up in bed and almost screaming out as pain ripped its way down her torso. Gritting her teeth, her breath coming out in short gasps, she continued to search the room in a near panic. "Is she okay? Oh my god, is she –"

Her mother's hand reached out to push her back down into a lying position. "She's fine, Jane. She went to get some coffee for us. She's _fine_ ," she repeated, her words soothing Jane's frayed nerves as only a mother's could. But the fear still gnawed at her. She needed to see her – to assure herself that Maura was all right – and her constant shifting in bed and anxious glances toward the entrance to her exam room was starting to worry her mother even more-so than her physical injuries. "Casey, comfort your girlfriend before she messes up her bandages. Maura would kill me if I let her ruin all the hard work those nice men did."

Jane gave the most dramatic eye roll she could muster at her mother's choice of words. "You make it sound like I'm some car they just put a fresh paint job on, Ma. Do I need to remind you they shoved a _needle_ in my _chest_? _Ugh_ ," she groaned again, trying to move herself into a more comfortable position.

Angela's piercing gaze landed squarely on Jane, her countenance darkening. "No, Janie. No you don't. I am well aware of what they did to you, just like I always am every time you end up in the hospital."

Jane's mouth opened and closed a couple of times in rapid succession, not quite knowing what to say. She knew her - and now Frankie's - job and the dangers it posed to her each and every day was wearing on her mother; each incident was just another reminder, another stab to Angela's already bleeding heart. "Ma," she whispered, finally finding her voice, "I'm sorry. _Really_ ," she stated more firmly as Angela looked away, seemingly disinterested in Jane's apologies. The words meant very little to Angela anymore – words didn't change who Jane fundamentally was and the lengths she would go to protect others. Jane briefly looked to Casey for assistance, but he had known the Rizzoli matriarch long enough to know that the right answer here was to just stay the hell out of it. "I'm just sore," she tried again, "and it's making me act like an ass."

That earned an amused huff from her mother. "Well at least this time you have an excuse."

"Har har. You're funny," Jane paused for effect, "for an old lady."

"Jane Clementine Rizzoli, you watch yourself or I'll smack that smirk right off your face, you ungrateful daughter!" Angela practically yelled, swatting Jane's leg and causing the injured Rizzoli to flinch at the contact.

"Angela, it won't do for you to damage her further. She is supposed to be resting."

"Yes, Doctor," the older woman responded contritely, lowering herself back down into the chair beside Jane's bed.

" _Maura_."

As her name spilled from Jane's lips in a sigh of relief, Maura's eyes closed briefly, the corners of her mouth subtly curling up into the beginnings of a smile. "Jane," she whispered back, opening her eyes to gaze warmly at her friend.

Jane's mind immediately burst into overdrive as her eyes raked over every inch of the woman standing before her, leaving no detail unnoticed from the small scrape on the back of her right hand to the matching rough patches of skin on each knee. As her heartbeat quickened, the incessant beeping of the hospital's bedside monitor filled the room, louder and faster, egging on her already growing worry over her best friend. "You're not hurt, are you? You're –"

"No, I'm not hurt. You moved in front…" Maura faltered, her eyes becoming glassy as memories of the shooting flashed across her mind's eye. She took a deep breath. "Jane, you sa-"

Maura's words were cut off by the gentle shake of Jane's head; her eyes pleading with Maura not to say it out loud. There was no point, the words had been spoken hundreds of times before, most often in silence –

 _You saved me;_

 _You protected me;_

 _You cared for me;_

 _You_ loved _me._

They had tried to deny it once, claiming that, although they would certainly sacrifice a great deal, they would never go so far as to willingly die for the other. But they both knew it wasn't true, and today proved it.

Jane made to draw Maura to her side, convinced that the physical connection would somehow ease the other's emotional distress, but her limbs refused to obey. It was then that she finally noticed Casey's hand intertwined with one of her own, and her mother's grasp, strong and firm on the other. She was sure the contact was meant to be reassuring, supportive, caring. Any _normal_ person would have appreciated it. But to Jane it felt like she was being restrained. She knew Maura had expected the contact - needed it, even - to reassure them both that they were very much alive and well, but she was weighed down by the presence of her mother and boyfriend. As she looked over to Maura apologetically, she knew – she saw the exact moment when Maura realized there was no space for her with Jane. Jane had Casey now, who dutifully appeared at the emergency room as soon as Angela had called him, and had not left her side since. And as always, she had her mother, who took her role of caregiver as seriously as the Pope takes religion. Within seconds, the beautiful lines of Maura's face slowly morphed into a mask of detached professionalism until she found herself face to face with Dr. Maura Isles, Chief Medical Examiner for the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. _Her_ Maura was no longer there.

Jane watched as Maura carefully set two cups of coffee down on a small table in the corner of the exam room before returning to the foot of Jane's bed. She hesitated only a moment before bringing her hands up to squeeze lightly at Jane's sheet-covered feet. The contact was not what either would have preferred but at least it was _something_. "Well," she began, clearing her throat lightly before continuing, "I'm pleased you're awake. I spoke with your nurse just a moment ago and your vital signs have been stable, your last chest x-ray was reassuring, and assuming there are no changes in the next couple of hours, I anticipate they will discharge you later tonight." Maura gave a slight nod of the head, seemingly satisfied with her ability to keep the conversation direct and factual.

Not knowing what else there was to say, Jane merely mumbled an affirmative while Angela, blissfully ignorant to Jane's inner turmoil, moved to wrap Maura in a full-bodied hug, thanking her for taking care of 'her Janie'. It warmed Jane's heart to see Maura basking in Angela's motherly affections, knowing it was something Maura had rarely experienced with her own mother.

"Ma, you're gonna have to let her go now. If you squeeze any harder you'll cut off the oxygen to that big brain of hers."

"Oh hush. At least _one_ of my daughters lets me hug them without whining."

"Yeah, yeah, she's your favorite. Got it," Jane chuckled, watching as Angela gave one last light squeeze to Maura's waist before the younger woman stepped out of the embrace, a slight blush coloring her normally pale cheeks.

"Since it appears that everything is well under control here," her sentence stalled slightly as her gaze shifted to Casey and down to where his hand lay tightly clasped with Jane's, "I'm going to head home. Angela, is there anything you need me to do for you when I get there?"

"Oh no, nothing at all. I had made a light dinner for you and Jane. It's in the fridge. You should eat something once you're home."

"Thank you, Angela. That was very thoughtful."

The two best friends looked at one another for a long moment, Maura's expression instantly softening to resemble the Maura Jane had spent so many years coming to truly know and love. Jane smiled as if to say 'A _h, there you are_.'

' _I'm here_ ,' Maura smiled back.

 _'I was scared.'_

 _'I still am.'_

But all they said was, "I'll call when they let me out of here."

"Please do that."


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

The drive home had taken longer than usual. Having left the emergency room just before seven o'clock, she had hoped to have missed the worst of the evening's rush hour traffic, but the citizens of Boston were all conspiring against her. Road construction, a detour that Maura would stake her life on had not been there earlier in the day, and poorly timed lights made the drive slower and more torturous than usual. As she shifted her Prius into park just outside her Beacon Hill townhouse, Maura willed herself to relax, letting her head drop back against the headrest with a soft _thump_. The only sounds that filled the small confines of her vehicle were the droning voice of the nightly NPR news anchor and her own breathing. Her eyes slipped closed for a moment as the emotional impact of the day finally hit her - a day that had started off not so unlike any other…

 _The morgue had been relatively quiet when she'd arrived. She had immediately set to work, the remainder of her staff slowly trickling in throughout the morning. Wrapping up her latest case early in the day, Maura had nabbed Jane for a quick lunch at a nearby deli before Jane was called away by dispatch._

The corners of her mouth turned up ever so slightly in a sad smile as she recalled Jane's apologetic expression, her dark eyes locked with Maura's as she let dispatch know she was on her way.

 _Maura quickly gathered Jane's food, telling her not to worry, that it was just part of the job._ Don't have too much fun _, Maura had joked, earning her a full-blown Jane Rizzoli smile, dimples and all. And as Maura handed Jane a warm cup of coffee and the rest of her sandwich, she was rewarded further with a soft kiss on the cheek and a whispered,_ I'll try to contain my enthusiasm _._

Her hand subconsciously drifted to her cheek, feeling the ghost of warm lips against her skin.

 _She had gone back the morgue to spend the afternoon working her way through the never-ending, always-multiplying piles of paperwork and routine autopsies. She could vividly recall the exact time she had stopped for the day, having glanced at her watch at precisely 4:39. Feeling as though she was at as good a place as any to stop what she was doing, Maura decided she would take advantage of this slightly-earlier-than-usual end to her workday to run one quick errand before heading home for the evening. This was one errand she was particularly excited about, having stumbled upon a superb butcher who made specialty sausages – more specifically, bratwursts. And with Thanksgiving right around the corner, Maura had thought it would be the perfect addition to the usual Rizzoli spread – an addition that would undoubtedly delight the Rizzoli siblings. It was the image of her three favorite dark-haired Italians smiling and high-fiving each other at the dinner table that gave her any extra motivation she may have needed to set aside her work for the day. As she exited the precinct, the cool November weather caused her to reflexively grip the lapels of her coat, pulling the edges as close together as possible to keep the chill out. She had only made it down a few steps in front of the building when she spotted a familiar vehicle pull up to the sidewalk. Jane stepped out, the wind whipping her long dark curls around, making her appear less like a mere human being and more like the force of nature Maura knew her to be. Jane had turned, immediately spotting Maura at the top of the stairs, a huge, goofy smile spreading from ear to ear. She had bounded effortlessly up the steps until she was in front of Maura, stopping just as she reached eye-level with the smaller woman, immediately launching into a detailed account of the arrest. At some point, Jane had proudly mentioned Frankie's part in the take-down after they had chased the suspect on foot for a number of city blocks before Frankie managed to tackle him to the ground._ Poor Frankie's a bleeder, but don't worry, nothing's broken, _Jane had reassured her. And then, what had been such an average day, turned into anything but average in a matter of moments. The lanky Italian had turned back toward her unmarked vehicle, waving over to Frankie and giving him a thumbs-up which Frankie had returned with as much of a smile as he could manage given the Kleenex stuffed up both of his nostrils. But Jane, ever vigilant, had paused mid-turn, her eyes locked on a man – no more interesting or conspicuous than any other person who had passed along in front of the precinct in the last few minutes. Jane would call it a gut feeling. And Maura would let her, because her digestive tract saved her life mere seconds later as Jane shouted, gesturing wildly at Frankie and then turned around to face Maura, eyes wide with fear, arms reaching out -_

Maura took in a sharp breath, jolting upright as the memory washed over her in cold, violent waves of dread. Her eyes darted nervously around, glancing up at her rearview mirror a number of times as if to reassure herself that no one was out there watching her, putting her in danger as she sat alone and vulnerable in her car. Realizing that enough time had passed that her car radio had turned itself off, she quickly gathered up her purse and some files she had planned to review this evening before everything had… well… taken an unexpected turn, and exited the vehicle. Once inside, she wasted no time slipping out of her jacket and heels before padding quietly into the kitchen to pour herself a much-needed glass of wine and warm the food Angela had so graciously made for her and Jane earlier that day. She had taken her time eating, trying to draw out every activity as long as possible because every undedicated moment gave her mind license to run wild, and she honestly didn't think she could handle another second of reliving the moment when Jane's frightened face turned toward her, shouting ' _Maura, no!'_ just before the impact of the bullet morphed her expression of fear into one of excruciating pain. After methodically clearing away all remnants of dinner, she made her way to the comfort of her living room sofa, draping a warm afghan over her legs and selecting one of the many scientific journals she subscribed to at random.

Maura was pulled out of her trance by the rattle of the back entrance door, alerting Maura to Angela's presence. Glancing up at the clock on the mantle, she was startled to realize just how late it had gotten, the hands of the clock reading just past ten-thirty. A long sigh escaped her as she set the medical journal she had been trying to read as a distraction down on the coffee table.

"I'm in the living room," she called out to the older woman as Angela bustled into the kitchen.

"Maura, honey, have you –"

"I've already eaten the wonderful dinner you prepared. Thank you for that," Maura was quick to respond, knowing Angela wouldn't rest until she was sure Maura had eaten. She couldn't see the Rizzoli matriarch from her position on the couch, but she was certain the older woman was smiling.

A comfortable silence fell between them as Angela shuffled around the kitchen, setting the kettle on to boil and grabbing various objects from drawers and cupboards.

"Jane asked me to tell you, she's on her way home and is planning to go straight to bed. She'll call you in the morning. Casey is responsible for her now, I give up," Angela's frustration was punctuated by the sharp clank of porcelain against the kitchen counter. "She wouldn't even let me come to her place to make sure she was all settled in and fed. I don't understand her. Always refusing help."

"Try not to take it personally, Angela. Her stubbornness isn't just reserved for you," she reasoned, crossing a leg delicately under her as she turned to face Angela more fully. "Jane isn't any more likely to accept help from anyone else."

"Except from you," Angela threw over her shoulder as she turned to grab another cup from the overhead cabinet.

Maura let out a soft snort. "Ha! I wouldn't say that. I just use big words until she's too confused to argue anymore," she admitted, her confession causing a faint blush to spread across her cheeks and down her neck.

"You _do_ do it on purpose!" Angela declared, waving a spoon at Maura triumphantly before returning it safely to the steaming cup of tea. She stirred slowly, chuckling to herself. Once she was satisfied that she had prepared both cups of tea to the women's liking, she slowly made her way into the adjoining living room, tea in-hand. Maura smiled gratefully as she accepted the proffered cup, shifting slightly on the couch to make room for the older woman to join her, wincing as she repositioned herself.

"Sweetheart, are you hurt?" Angela asked worriedly.

"I'm fine, really. Just some bruising on the backs of my legs and muscle stiffness. I fell back against the steps when Jane…" her voice trailed off as the memory washed over her. Taking a deep breath, she shook her head slightly, wishing the act could quite literally shake the unwanted thoughts out of her mind. "Nothing a little time won't easily remedy." Her attempt at a smile was met with a frown from her companion. Maura watched as Angela began slowly stirring her tea, deep in thought.

"You know," Angela began, her gaze still fixed on the swirling warm liquid, "it never gets easier, seeing your children hurt or sick. I actually think it gets worse."

Maura set her cup down on the coffee table, quickly doing the same with Angela's. There was once a time when initiating physical contact with someone would have been outside her comfort zone, but not anymore. Not since Jane. She squeezed the other woman's hands gently, drawing Angela's gaze up to her own. "I'm so sorry, Angela, I know it's hard," she spoke softly, her words steeped in shared understanding. "I hate it, too."

The two women smiled sympathetically at one another. Angela looked around the room for a second, composing herself before speaking. "I, uh…" she paused, clearing her throat, "I realized today that I've nagged and pushed Jane for more years than I can remember to find herself a nice guy who will take care of her. I thought I'd worry less if I knew she was going home to someone. And tonight, for the first time, she had a man to take her home and look after her." Angela looked to Maura, eyes wet and shining. "And it felt _awful_ ," she confessed with an apologetic shrug.

Both women let out a genuine laugh, Angela brushing a tear from her eye.

Maura smiled brightly at her, still chuckling softly. "I couldn't have said it better myself."

* * *

Maura had been tossing and turning in bed all night, in spite of the soothing cup of tea she had shared with Angela before retiring for the evening. When the phone rang at 4:30 AM, she was secretly thrilled, hoping, albeit somewhat morbidly, that it would be dispatch alerting her to a new body needing her attention.

"Doctor Isles," she answered on the second ring.

 _"Maura."_

Definitely not dispatch. "Yes?"

 _"It's Casey. I was –"_

Panic gripped Maura, her voice coming out strained, almost shrill to her own ears, "What happened? Is Jane all right?"

 _"She's… I'm not sure, that's why –"_

"Casey, if something's wrong you need to hang up and call an ambulance!" She was already moving, not waiting to hear any more detail about Jane's situation, just knowing she needed to get there – to Jane.

 _"No, no. It's not… it's not physical… at least I don't think so."_

Maura stilled, her coat half on. "I don't understand. What's not physical?"

 _"That's why I'm calling. I don't know what's wrong. She's… upset. I don't know if she's in pain or not. She's in the shower and won't let me help her out."_

That's all she needed to hear. Shrugging her coat completely on and grabbing her keys and purse off of the kitchen counter, Maura was practically out the door as she responded, "I'm already on my way. I'm going to hang up now but call me back if anything else happens."

 _"_ _Okay."_


	4. Chapter 4

CHAPTER FOUR

Without a moment's hesitation, Maura pulled the key to Jane's townhome out of her purse and let herself in the front door. This was no time for formalities. She quickly shed her coat and shoes, leaving them next to Jane's at the front door, her stocking feet carrying here silently up the dark wooden staircase. As she neared Jane's bedroom, she could see Casey leaning against the doorframe to the en-suite bathroom, his arms crossed tightly over his chest, eyes intensely monitoring whatever was happening within.

Wordlessly, Maura slipped passed Casey and into the bathroom. What lay before her broke her heart - Jane slumped against the cold tile floor of the walk-in shower, knees pulled up to her chest, her face obscured by a curtain of stringy wet hair, towels covering what Maura assumed to be her naked body. She wasn't entirely certain what had transpired here in the time between Casey's call for help and now, but whatever it was, she was grateful Jane hadn't been alone. Maura, unwilling to turn her back on Jane for even one moment, calmly directed Casey to go downstairs and make some tea, requesting that he please close the door behind him.

Maura sat quietly on the toilet seat beside the shower for an indeterminate amount of time.

"I couldn't protect you." Jane's voice was hoarse and thick with emotion.

"What do you mean, Jane?"

"I couldn't… he shot you. You were bleeding. I couldn't protect you and you died."

Maura willed her expression to remain neutral, fighting every instinct to reach out to her best friend, to prove that she was right there. But the situation felt tenuous. "I'm here, Jane, I'm not dead. I'm very much alive." She could only hope that words of reassurance would be enough.

"I know it was just a dream – a nightmare. But _shit, Maur_ ," Jane breathed out, her hand sneaking out from under the white towel shroud to drag through her tangled mass of hair. Looking up at Maura for the first time since her arrival, Jane's eyes were nearly black with the pain of her memories. "It was so real for a minute. I woke up and I couldn't figure out what was going on. And I hurt, I hurt so fucking bad and in my mind you were dead." She blinked slowly. "I didn't know what to do," she croaked out. Maura could see the emotional war going on in Jane's mind – the war between what she knew to be real and the lies her dream and pain-addled mind was feeding her. But reality won in the end. And, with a cleansing breath, Jane continued, her voice steadier than before. "Casey was sleeping. I was panicking and he was asleep and I got out of bed and came to the bathroom. I sat right where you are now until I could breathe again – until I was sure that it wasn't real. I felt so _cold_. So cold and dirty, and I just wanted to be clean. I, uh," she stalled, glancing quickly up at Maura and then back down to her lap, picking at the threads of her towel. "I started the shower. And I know," she pushed through Maura's words of reprimand, "I _know_ I shouldn't have tried to do it by myself. When I reached for the soap there was so much pain and I… I'm not sure, I must have made some noise. Casey woke up. He found me on the floor of the shower. He tried to help me – he offered to help me up, wash my hair, whatever I needed. But I didn't want him to. I didn't want him to touch me." Her body gave an involuntary shudder. "I yelled at him. I think I started to cry. I didn't want…"

There was nothing more that needed to be said. Maura stood, reaching out to the huddled mass and gently helped Jane to stand before turning the shower on, careful to direct the cold spray away from them. Assured that Jane was well enough to stand on her own, she stepped away from the shower stall and closed the curtain. Within seconds, the white towels that had previously been wrapped around the broken woman's body were being pushed through the gap in the curtain, dropping with a soggy thump on the bathroom floor. Not allowing herself even a moment's thought, she began removing her own clothing until she was left with nothing.

Jane startled at the first hint of contact, the air expelling from her lungs in a shuddering breath. "What are you doing, Maur?" she whispered as Maura moved in behind her, her hands sweeping the heavy mass of dark hair behind Jane's shoulders.

"I'm washing your hair, what does it look like I'm doing?" Maura murmured as she continued, massaging shampoo into Jane's unruly curls, all the way to her scalp.

The quiet chuckle that slipped passed Jane's lips was the most beautiful sound Maura had ever heard. She was going to be all right.

"Okay, smart ass, maybe I shoulda asked _why_ are you doing this?"

"Your ribs are cracked, you have extensive bruising and, if I recall correctly, you were treated for a pneumothorax a mere 12 hours ago. I have no doubt you ignored all of your discharge instructions. But had you listened, lifting your arms up, much less lathering shampoo in your hair, is not allowed. So just… let me do this," she sighed, her tone soft and pleading, willing Jane to understand that this was about more than just simply adhering to medical recommendations.

"Bossy," Jane huffed, but Maura knew the tone was anything but serious.

After rinsing the shampoo out of Jane's thick mane, Maura poured a generous amount of liquid body soap into her hand and set to work, slowly and methodically washing Jane's skin starting at her neck, smoothing over each shoulder and gently down her back, careful not to press against the bruising. Upon reaching the small of Jane's back, she changed direction, running her soap-slicked hands back up and around Jane's shoulders to slide down both arms, Maura's fingers slipping between Jane's. She had tried to pull her hands back to continue washing Jane's body, but her fingers remained locked in Jane's grasp, her body pulled forward into the broad planes of the taller woman's back as Jane attempted to wrap Maura's arms around her torso.

"I don't want to hurt you," Maura whispered, afraid to cause Jane any more pain than she was already in.

Jane's only response was to turn in Maura's arms until they were facing one another, the lanky detective's own arms instantly encircling Maura's waist, drawing their bodies close together.

"It hurts more not to do this," Jane murmured into Maura's hair.

She released a sigh, allowing herself to sink further into Jane's warm embrace. "I know. It hurts me, too." Maura had to admit she was surprised that Jane would be comfortable enough to allow for this level of physical intimacy - completely naked, bodies melded together from head to toe, Jane's nipples lightly brushing the top of her breasts with each breath - and yet their arms remained locked securely around one another, both women wordlessly accepting the other's comfort. Minutes passed by, or perhaps it was only seconds or many hours – time felt insignificant. But pass, it did. And it was with great reluctance that Maura eventually made to extricate herself from the warm cocoon of Jane's arms. "The water is cooling. Why don't I let you finish up in here."

Maura's words left little room for argument, but Jane was having none of it. "Five more minutes _, mom_ ," she whined in her best petulant teenager voice. Undoubtedly that was a phrase Angela had heard more mornings than not in the Rizzoli household, if not from Jane, surely from one of her brothers. Jane gave a short yelp as Maura pinched the skin just above her hip. " _Owwwwww_ ," she whined, earning her another pinch.

"You're such a baby," Maura chastised playfully.

Jane looked down at the smaller woman still wrapped loosely in her arms, offering a lopsided smile as her eyes glanced quickly between their bodies. "I'm… uh… When I went in for the hug, I didn't know you were totally naked. I'm sorry if I made this awkward."

"You mean this isn't something most friends do?" Maura asked, brows furrowed slightly as if seriously considering whether or not this would be a normal aspect of any friendship.

"If by 'friends', you mean two people who have sex with each other, then I stand corrected. But as far as conventional friendships go, probably not."

She chuckled lightly, her breath splashing across Jane's chest, the sensation causing Jane to reflexively tighten her hold on Maura ever so slightly.

"I'm not sure I would ever describe our relationship as 'conventional'," Maura smiled into Jane's shoulder. "And though I can appreciate the significance of context, I would need to seriously reconsider my choice of vocation if human nudity bothered me."

"The dead people of Massachusetts - and one live person - greatly appreciate that. Not to mention, you protected what I'm sure was a very expensive pair of silk underthings from being _positively ruined_ ," Jane mocked good-naturedly.

"You're an absolute pest today. Here I am trying to do something nice for you and all you do is poke fun at me," she mumbled, burrowing her head further into the crook of Jane's neck, letting out a small huff of indignation. "But fine. I admit it, the thought did cross my mind."

"Ha!" Jane declared triumphantly.

"However," Maura quickly jumped in, "it was not my primary motivator. There were more important things to worry about." She could feel Jane's smile where her cheek rested against the top of Maura's head. Finally deciding they could loiter no longer, Maura removed herself from Jane's grasp and exited the shower stall, pulling a dry towel around her body to block out he chill. "I'm going to go make you some breakfast. Take your time and be careful. I'll ask Casey to wait in the bedroom for you in case you need anything." Getting no arguments from the usually stubborn detective, Maura quickly re-dressed and made to exit the bathroom, her hand on the door knob as Jane's soft words of gratitude reached her ears.

Warmth spread throughout her body, her chest filled with a pleasant pressure as though Jane's words had physically wrapped themselves around her heart and squeezed ever so slightly. "You're welcome, Jane," she whispered as she turned the knob and exited the bathroom.

* * *

 _ **A/N - As I'm sure you've all noticed, I've toyed with the Rizzoli and Isles universe a bit**_ _ **(particularly the last couple of seasons)**_ _ **and chose to ignore certain plot lines, specifically the ones pertaining to Jane and Casey's relationship. It's all for the greater good, I promise. Thank you to everyone who is reading this and I promise I'll keep plugging away at the remaining chapters whenever I have a spare moment.**_


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